I already explained what Tinder was in a previous post about a man I slept with; but I'll quickly summarize again. Its a classless dating app that shows you pictures of people in your area; if you both "like" each other's pictures, you match and can message one another. Well, I used this app about a year ago in NYC (see previous post titled "tinder"), but hadn't used it since.
Last weekend, my friends and I were making an unexpected, unwelcome three-hour road trip and decided to all download it to keep us occupied. We spent the majority of the time stealing each other's phones, "liking" creepy older men, guys with mirror pics, or the most hideous creatures we could find. However, I happened to like an incredibly handsome, ridiculously buff guy named Eric, whom I immediately matched with. We all planned on deleting the app when we returned home, but Eric was so incredibly witty and intelligent with a similar taste in music, TV shows, and books. Side note for any male readers - if you are in your 20s and you read anything besides your "The Chive," app or ESPN updates, it immediately makes you ten times hotter. Anyway, I deleted the app, but not before giving Eric my number.
So we texted for a couple of days and really hit if off - he was literally watching the same Netflix series as I was in his bathtub at the same time. Like I've said before, I assumed this was fate and started to get excited. That following week, we had a huge snowstorm and all work and classes were canceled. I spent the day debating whether or not to invite this random from tinder over, finally saying, "Why not," and went for it. Eric was working for the army about 60 miles away, but it took him over two hours to drive to my place. Apparently there were wrecks everywhere and a severe weather warning. Whoops :) Well he shows up, extremely handsome andddddd short. Like I'm 5'9 and this kid was barely 5'10. I understand that for some people, he's not considered that short, but I have actually never hooked up with someone below 6 feet, so this was a bit of a shock for me. He didn't seem to mind at all and things were actually going really well. We had unquestionable chemistry and were completely comfortable around each other within the first few minutes.
We sat on my bed and watched a few episodes of Netflix and everything was going fine until he took off his shoes...I kid you not, Eric had the smallest feet I have every seen on a post-pubescent man in my life. It was so bizarre. I have proportional feet to my body, roughly a size 9, and his were absolutely smaller than mine. I later checked his shoes to see a whopping size 7.5. Anyway, I started feeling really disappointed and even slyly covered up our legs so he couldn't look and compare our feet hanging at the edge of the bed. Because it wasn't so long ago that I had fucking Austin and his chapstick-sized penis in my bed telling me to "Shake that Ass." I know it's a rumor, but I assumed that small man + incredibly small hands = small fucking penis. But what was I supposed to do? Things were obviously going incredibly well, Eric had driven all this way, and it was snowing so hard that I know for a fact he would have never been able to make it home alive. So I was choosing between kicking him out, potentially ending his life, or yet again having sex with a minuscule package.
Before I could decide, Eric started kissing me, taking my clothes off, and basically focusing on pleasuring only me. And let me tell you, the hobbit knew what he was doing. At this point, it was all feeling bittersweet because I wanted to return the favor and have sex with him, but thought it would be awful. Then, Eric climbed back up on top of me, fully clothed and pressed himself against me. And HALLELUJAH the boy was packin. You could feel his massive penis through his jeans. This was pretty much the giant green light I needed, and I started tearing his clothes off. And we ended up snowed in, having a wonderful, incredibly pleasurable, night together. This just goes to show that 1. Tinder is not all bad 2. Being a spontaneous slut pays off and 3. Just because a guy is little doesn't mean he's small everywhere. I can safely say that I survived sleeping with my first short guy; and may even come back for more :)
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